My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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