Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
