I feel like abortions should bother me more
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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