toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
