Well apparently he's into motor boating.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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