Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
