the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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