she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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