The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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