Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
