Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
