My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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