Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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