I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
