how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Floor bacon is actually really good
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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