i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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