The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
