Only a mothe r could love this liver
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
