I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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