I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
