i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize