There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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