i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
then he tried to convert me to islam
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
