I think im going to throw up on grandma
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
