if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
