i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
