I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
