Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
