my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
