Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
