All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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