In the future we'll all be gay
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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