what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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