She's JV to your varsity
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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