Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
