just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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