OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
