I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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