I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
