wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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