So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
