He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
