did you get engaged???
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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