I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
