I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
