What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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