He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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