I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
