My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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