I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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