i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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