69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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