Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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