So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
