I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
