Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you had me at cake vodka
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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