She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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