Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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