I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
