I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
