I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
