So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
