I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
